Comments on: Bipolar Husband? Bipolar Wife? Should You Stay Married?

By: Elizabeth Atlas

Elizabeth Atlas — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 14:31:37 +0000

Ray, I am not a psychiatrist, so I can’t diagnose your wife…but either are you. But from what I read, you and your wife are overly stressed managing 4 young children. Not everyone can pull that off without some kind of emotional release. In fact, I can’t think of anything harder than paying attention to one small child, let alone a house full of them. And then at the end you mention being “offshore?” As in, you’re not around most evenings? Maybe your wife is bipolar, who knows. But what she probably needs is a babysitter and time to herself to go out and get her hair and nails done every week…as in–a BREAK from those kids!

By: Ray

Ray — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:45:58 +0000

Not sure if my wife has bipolar for a fact. She has not been diagnosed because our finances dont fit the expensive doctors. I am what she calls an over emotional husband. I enjoy cuddling her and watching a movie. I love the random “i love you”‘s throughout the day. I enjoy the passing kiss as we both hussle with our 4 children ( 6 m, 4m, 3f, and 12 month m. I believe she has bipolar disorder. It seems that small isssues are magnified into huge problems, things i have been relelntlessly hollared at has been, Not making a fresh batch of kool aid, running the pasta strainer in the dishwasher and her finding that a noodle remained on the strainer after the cycle, cuddling too much, not cuddling enough. She asked me to take the three oldest kids to a christmas parade and she stay behind witht the sick baby. Then gets upset with me for going without her. She allows her son the 4 m to spill juice on the floor, talk back to her, throw fits, break virtually every rule of the house, and speak to me with dispresspect. yet my daughter (3 f) get sent to her room for the entire day if she has an accedent in her diaper (having trouble potty training). or if she crys when the boys hit her or refuse to play with her. I work off shore and make very good money but it seems that when i get home the money is gone and spent on bills. Therefore no medical help for her. If i try to discuss my feelings with her she simply threatns to leave me. or tells me and my 3 f daughter to leave if we are so unhappy. Her previous marriage ended the same way. She treated him like crap and he stopped caring. I try not to go that route but it gets harder every day. She also believes that she has a problem but doesn’t appreciate disussing it. She is never wrong about anything and she is 100% confadent that she knows how to do everything even if she has 0 experience in the subject. I am alway to blame for things going wrong. if she goes to the store to get something and forgets a detail it is my fault for not reminding her. I have been called, lazy , useless, irrisposable, bad father, worthless, etc. she has called my daughter ,lazy, babyfied, a bitch, pussy, and said she will prbably grow up to be a whore because she started shaking her hips when i played music outside during playtime. Its not just me and my child she screams at. her own children 6m and 4 m are constantly being called pussys, assholes, little bitches, lazy, mfers, and worthless. at the end of the day as we lay in bed she tells me how much she loves me and appreciates me and appoligizes for what she has done. (well some of it). i have mentioned the 3f, 6m, and 4m, who i have not mentioned is the 12 month m. He really doesnt get anything bad from her. Infact she is totally obsesed with him. That is if she is not talking to friend onthe phone, over text,voice messaging, or at there home. She often leaves for 2 – 6 hours every other day to be with her friends across the stree and leaves me to care for the 4 children alone. (when im home from offshore of course) I am still looking for some sort of free treatment for her. I need all the luck i can get. When she is not in “a mood” the home is perfect. But let one minor detail go unchecked and this is what our happy home turns into immediatly.

By: Liz

Liz — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 02:47:00 +0000

My husband has all the signs of bi-polar even though he has never been officially diagnosed. His mother and daughter are also bi-polar and they feed off of each other. We have been togeather 4 yrs which is a record for him. It’s a constant roller coaster. He always has a new ideal and spends every penny that he can on it. He is like a gypsy and can’t stay in one place for any length and constantly creates a fantasy world that he tries to buy into reality. Everything is someone elses fault and the world is out to get him. He is only happy when he is spending money and having a good time. I can keep him somewhat stable as long as he doesn’t speak to his mom or daughter. This last time he left was right after my mom past away and they found spots in my breast.(still awaiting results) He has been back to visit a few times and calls every day to tell me he loves me and misses me. Yet he has spent 24,000 in 4 for months, gotten fired from his job, has stopped making payments on his vehicle..Never will he discuss anything to resolve the issues. He has never been violent towards me but he bully’s his way through no matter where he goes. It is so embarrasing. Fortunatly he doesn’t drink other then socially or do drugs. He is actually afraid of drugs. Now we live in two states and I only see him once a month. That is my sanity. Good Luck to all dealing with these issues….

By: Elizabeth Atlas

Elizabeth Atlas — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 17:34:29 +0000

Kirsten, I’m not sure you’ll ever be “truly alone” with 4 children That said, you won’t find argument from the hundreds of wives married to bipolar husbands that I’ve talked to that this illness is heartbreaking for families. I found that when I stopped wishing for things to be different and dealt with the reality that IF my spouse changed it would be a gift, not an expectation, I felt more in control of my options and was able to get over my heartbreak. “How” I did it was what I wrote my book about. I wish you peace.

By: K M

K M — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:20:04 +0000

My husband is bipolar and after the six years of either daily temper tantrams or his overbearing need for physical comfort I am both physically and emotionally exhausted. And with the twist of fate bringing us 2 sets of 2 children from 2 different directions to raise I feel there is no other choice for me but to leave. I now have 4 children who do not understand the angry outbursts or the scarcasum and I can’t teach an angry child who has already gone through so much that being a bully is unexceptable when a grown man does it, or the tantrams or the selfish self centered behavior. If I am alone in a relationship then I would rather be truely alone without the heart wrenching behaviors of the “man” I fell in love with.
Seriously thinking about getting this book to help the children and I recover from the warzone of a bipolar marriage.
Truly Heartbroken and Alone

By: Will

Will — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 18:05:13 +0000

Thank you Elizabeth, I can not speak for anyone else but for me, it has to do with an inner conflict. I am not sure what to do with her now, but I believe I have been an enabler with her and I can not do that anymore. Though a part of me will always love her, I am going to have to make it tough love, and I hope one day she will get the help she needs. Even if our marriage can not be saved.

Thanks

By: Elizabeth Atlas

Elizabeth Atlas — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 17:33:59 +0000

Hi, Will. Thanks for sharing your story. I never cease to be amazed by how much influence our bipolar spouses have over our psyches. Sometimes I think we have our own special obsession!

By: Will

Will — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:04:09 +0000

My bi-polar wife was a very supportive and loving wife for almost all of our marriage 15 years, but after a pregnancy, somthing went very wrong within her, she drove me to the brink of break down and then wanted a divorce, she has treated me like hell since then and has changed so much I do not know her anymore. I have been asked would I take her back if she asked, which she has not nor given any indication she will, but I do not know if I can too much damage too much hurt, pain pill addictions, lying and possible cheating, it makes me wonder if any of our marriage was true or was it all a lie. Although I want to believe it was, somtimes I wish I had never met her.

By: Elizabeth Atlas

Elizabeth Atlas — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 18:23:14 +0000

Ben, I’m so sorry for your story, but glad you are feeling relieved more than trod upon. I think that’s a common partner/caregiver mode: to be tolerant to the point of doormat to our sick partner’s moods and behaviors…usually with tragic results for us. Thanks for sharing your story; you sound like you were a caring, supportive husband. Too bad you were not appreciated for those qualities. I’d like to see the TV producers make a reality show about bipolar marriage. It would be quite instructional. – Elizabeth

By: Ben

Ben — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 17:49:12 +0000

My bipolar wife just divorced me and moved back to NYC–I live in Louisiana–where I met her. I feel relieved more than anything else, although I spent seven years trying my best to love her and help her take care of herself. In a five-year marriage, she left me three times. Each time, she would beg for forgiveness and ask for another chance. She tried several meds, and the only one that worked made her anemic. Abilify kept her at a constant low level of hypomania–it was an awful drug for her. What was devestating was that in the last two years of the marriage, I found she had committed adultery numerous times before she met me and had been highly promisuous, even in non-hypomanic states. She also would submit resumes for jobs back in NYC behind my back even when we were reconciled (or trying to reconcile). I also caught her on Match.com twice, and her online flirting got completely out of control during and after the Abilify, which I firmly believed changed her personality forever. She went through DBT and seemed to make good progress in understanding her destructive behaviors and extreme promiscuity, but then her compulsive lying and flirting began again. She did not consistently exercise or keep therapy appointments. All in all, the lability was too much for me to handle. In the final months before she left (and directly after she finished her DBT course, which was about emotional regulation, handling pain, and not making rash decisions), I developed heart disease. Although I had given her emotional support for her medical disorder for seven years, she could not reciprocate when I needed her most. Now back in NYC, she is once again contacting her old lovers. I’m glad to be out of this. I salute those who make their bipolar marriages work, but I hope those who can’t won’t feel guilty. You can’t force people to accept help. As a Christian, I believe in sacrifice, but there are times when becoming a bipolar caregiver is a martyrdom that can ruin a life, both psychologically and emotionally. Every marital situation is different, but my bipolar ex-wife was an extreme narcissist who could not focus on my need for companionship, loyalty, and truth.