Book About Bipolar Disorder Husband | Bipolar Disorder Wife

Are you married to a Bipolar Husband or a Bipolar Wife?
Are you involved in a bipolar relationship?

Stop walking on eggshells. Stop doubting yourself and wondering,
“What can I do to make this relationship better..?”

The Chaos Is NOT YOUR FAULT!

Here’s Your Answer Book if
You Are Married To a Bipolar Husband or a Bipolar Wife

Please…Take a moment to find out how you can restore hope about your future. Discover all the answers you’ve been searching for about how to love and help a bipolar husband, bipolar wife or bipolar partner…

Dear Friend and Fellow Spouse of a Bipolar Partner,

Finally, There’s A Bipolar Book for Stressed-Out Spouses

I’m Elizabeth Atlas, author of the new book, “Married To Mania: Jumping the Shark* Without a Seatbelt.” It’s a funny title for a topic that is far from funny…heartbreaking, in fact.

This book is about how to find your footing with a bipolar husband or bipolar wife and preserve your sanity in a marriage or relationship that’s built on quicksand. Your bipolar husband or bipolar wife may make you feel that everyday is a new dawn. Deep down you know nothing in your past has prepared you for what will happen in your bipolar marriage today, tomorrow or next year.

It’s a given: You love your bipolar wife or bipolar husband very much. “Bipolar” is not one of the top 10 adjectives you use to describe the love-of-your-life to other people. “Bipolar Disorder” may not even be in the top 100!

But if you’re like me, “bipolar disorder” is on your mind all the time. Your bipolar radar flashes when you second guess your bipolar husband’s financial decision making. Your bipolar radar arms when your bipolar wife drowns you in love and affection…because you know, very soon, you’ll be hunkered down protecting yourself from a painful verbal assault and threats of divorce.

Many times I diagnosed my own condition as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). But it wasn’t “Post.” It is ongoing. So I decided to “stop the madness” on my part and learn how to “fish or cut bait.”

I learned how to handle “my problem” of how to be married to a bipolar husband. Then I wrote a book to help other husbands, wives and partners, married to Bipolar Disorder (yes, it does seem that way most of the time!), who are caught in the same love/chaos/trauma drama I was in.

This is the book you’ll read when you’ve already read
the hundreds of other websites, books and newsletters,
attended all the bipolar support groups and workshops and
exhausted the patience of your friends and family
–and you still don’t have answers for YOU
about the best way to be married to a bipolar husband or a bipolar wife.

Let me Repeat: The chaos in your relationship is not your fault.

When you love a bipolar husband or bipolar wife, your relationship is not on a level playing field with other loving relationships or marriages you’ve admired.

The relationship problem-solving skills that you learned from your relationship role models: your parents, your friends–even TV couples like “Lucy and Ricky” don’t work in your marriage. Those relationships–yes, even the fantasy TV storylines (!)–will never have the same roadblocks and heartaches that you tackle every single day of your life with a bipolar husband or bipolar wife.

How much do you REALLY know about Marriage To a Bipolar Spouse?

Even if you’ve read a few books, surfed online and gone to a few support groups, you are no match for your bipolar husband or bipolar wife. In fact, you are at a tremendous disadvantage.

You Are in Bipolar Psychology “Kindergarten”

Your bipolar husband or bipolar wife has a “PhD” in Bipolar Disorder. This “degree” may not help him find a “cure” or steer him toward acceptance of his illness, but he’s been through a lifetime of mental machinations that you will never understand or keep pace with. It’s downright exhausting!

Here Are Just a Few of the Questions My Readers Have Asked Me
About Marriage to a Bipolar Husband or BiPolar Wife (…And My Response!)

“Why do their moods change to where you absolutely do not believe they love you and you wonder whether or not they’re even capable of love?”
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

“We have raging arguments and we’re not very close. How can I get him to understand and accept that he has a problem and go get help?”
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

“Nine months after I divorced my bipolar husband, he killed himself by hanging. He was sober and this ‘depressed’ cycle wasn’t different from hundreds of others he’d been through–even when he was off his medication. How could I have known?”
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Think about it:

Haven’t you already done everything you could think of,
plus more, to create a happy marriage to your bipolar spouse?

Your in-laws think you’re an angel; your friends think you’re nuts. You don’t know what to believe anymore but you know something’s broken and needs to be fixed. NOW. TODAY.

The only thing left is to take some of that good lovin’
you’ve been dishing out, and spend it on yourself.

“Married To Mania” Is the Owner’s Manual
On “How To Take Care of You”

When You’re Married To a Bipolar Husband or Bipolar Wife!

My Story…

My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at age 40, one year before I met him. (He’s now 55.) Prior to that, I had never known anyone with mental illness (who goes around talking about it?) and there was no evidence of it in my family (did you know there’s a genetic component?)

I spent 3 years in denial, 5 years in therapy, 7 years in intense research to “figure this illness out” and 13 years doubting myself and beating myself up, knowing that if I could be a better wife, then…

…You fill in the blank.

If you’re like me, you probably already have. Despite mountains of reading, exhaustive web searches, many support groups and discussions with my husband, I always felt terribly alone in my struggle.

Where were the other husbands and wives of Bipolar spouses??? I never met any. I never read about them. There were only 2 or 3 in my support groups. And they weren’t interested in forming a “band of brothers.” I felt totally isolated and helpless.

Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity
is doing the same thing over and over
and expecting different results.”

Al was a very wise man. So I decided to try a new approach. And it worked for me! When I say “worked,” it didn’t solve my husband’s bipolar disorder. But it saved ME!

There is only ONE ANSWER for saving people like us who are married to mania.

I identify and explain all the options in my book. In the “Married To Mania” E-book or printed copy (your choice), I give you a plan to grab back control of your life. You’ll learn concrete ideas for handling unexpected mood swings, uncontrollable outbursts of anger, inevitable guilt and remorse (yours and theirs), and the devastating emotions you’ll have when you realize that the life partner you’ve chosen is no longer the person you married.

Here Are the Facts: 

  • The divorce rate is 2 to 3 times higher for families with mental illness than in the general population (which is already 50% and rising!)
  • 60% of Bi polars have drug, alcohol substance abuse problems or other addictions like internet pornography
  • 1 in 6 of those with Bipolar Disorder commit suicide

Think You Can Beat These Odds,
And Stay Married To Your Bipolar Husband or Bipolar Wife
Without any Outside Help????
How’s that Been Working out so Far???

“Thank you for the book. I just downloaded it, and I know from reading the forward that I have reached a resource I have been unable to find elsewhere for coping for life with my BP wife.I am on page 79 of your book. It’s like looking in a mirror. I’ve never met anyone else going through these same issues-it certainly is encouraging to feel like I’m not the only one in this boat!” M.P., Indiana
“The most significant learning that psychotherapists like me receive comes from the personal experiences of those individuals who have lived it. In “Married to Mania,” author Elizabeth Atlas does just that. Her book is rich in conveying the critical issues that real people face when coping with Bipolar Disorder. She provides a much needed perspective plus practical advice, hope and help for spouses coping with a partner’s mental illness. I strongly recommend this book!” –Joanne Wolf Small, M.S.W.

As much as you may love your bipolar husband or bipolar wife, your future will be seriously altered by having this person in your life. Whether you decide to stay in your relationship, or cut the ties and move on, you must base your decision on facts, not emotions. And that’s exactly what I’ll show you how to do in “Married To Mania.”
How many times have you asked yourself these questions?

  • What can I do to make our relationship less stressful?
  • Will he ever get better?
  • Will she ever be able to stop taking her medicine?
  • Why can’t I convince him to trust me?
  • Will I ever be able to trust him?
  • Why is he so hard on everyone around him who loves him?
  • How can I predict when her mood swings will occur?
  • How can I protect my children?
  • Should I marry my bipolar girlfriend? My manic depressive boyfriend?
  • Should I divorce my bipolar husband?
  • I love him. Is there any hope for us?

I’ve made ordering “Married To Mania” very simple.
You have 3 choices on how to absorb this new information
in the way that you learn best:

  1. E-Book in Adobe PDF format (downloadable instantly if you choose this option)
  2. Hard-Copy Printed and Bound Report
  3. A Bundle of both

And I have 3 Bonus Gifts for you, too!

BONUS #1: FREE SHIPPING when you purchase the “Married To Mania” Bundle. (The Bundle includes the instant downloadable e-book and the hard-copy printed book will be mailed to you so you can flag pages, highlight important passages and rip out the checklists)
BONUS #2: “The Partner’s Definitive Guide To a Bipolar Disorder Vocabulary” ($29 Value) This is a must-have resource to learn the proper words to identify side effects, medications and episode symptoms so you can talk intelligently with the psychiatrists and mental health professionals. It’s just one weapon in your arsenal to help you combat what I call the “Medical Industrial Complex” who are DECIDEDLY NOT on your side.
BONUS #3: “The Spouse’s Bi Polar Disorder Million Dollar Rolodex,” (Priceless!) a compendium of organizations, publications, articles, websites and books citing all the latest research in psychiatry, psychology and family therapy on Bipolar Disorder. It includes a special section on self-help resources for spouses (not the touchy-feely kind…the real action-plan kind that can help you stay sane and functional and–dare we say it–thrive in your marriage to mania.)

“Married To Mania” lays out more than 15 proven concepts you’ll want to read or listen to over and over again so you can practice new behaviors that I guarantee will make your life more livable–regardless of whether you stay with your bipolar partner or leave him. (I say “him,” but these strategies are for any spouse or significant other: husband or wife, girlfriend or boyfriend of a bipolar partner.)

“I was looking for ways my son could cope with being married to a bipolar person. This book answered many questions. My son hopes to use some of the suggestions the author names. I’m happy I found this book on the Internet, and I want everyone to read it!” — Ruth, Wyoming

My book, “Married To Mania” and the bipolar information it covers
is for anyone who cares so much about a sick bipolar husband or bipolar wife
that they’re putting their own mental health and well-being at risk.

If you’re reading this website, that means YOU! So…

Or call me personally (and confidentially) to order by phone at +1-314-485-4350

100% MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE IF NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED

I have been where you are now. Searching for answers but never really finding the ones that will help you understand or deal realistically with the situation of marriage or a relationship to someone with bipolar disorder. I know you don’t want to spend more time and money if this book turns out to be another dead-end that makes you feel even more alone and un-helped.

So I offer you this guarantee. If for any reason “Married To Mania” is not what you were looking for, if it does not meet your standards for quality information, if it does not help you lighten the emotional load you’re carrying being married to a bipolar husband or bipolar wife or if it doesn’t assist you in making tough decisions, just let me know, and I’ll give you a 100% refund on your purchase.

I will not ask you to explain yourself to justify your refund. (You do not need anymore stress in your life! I am here to bring enlightenment, not add to your burden.) With a simple request, I’ll refund 100% of your purchase price for up to 1 year after your purchase date. I promise.

How can I offer such a generous return policy? Because hundreds of people in horrible emotional pain have already read my book, and I’ve only issued a handful of refunds. (I don’t ask why.)

And I have received the most appreciative emails from readers of this book (along with lots of tears and very sad stories.) So I know my information has helped husbands, wives, partners, parents, fiancees who were exactly where I was being married to a bipolar husband without any resources.

Why wait one second more? Why continue to suffer in silence when the vital information you want is so easily accessible as soon as you place your order?

* The term “jump the shark” refers to that defining moment when you know that your relationship has reached its peak. It’s the instant you know–from now on–it’s all down hill and out of your control, and things will never be the same. The phrase actually comes from knowing the episode when your favorite TV show went bad, but the concept fits perfectly for potentially doomed relationships, too.

Copyright 2006-2011 Magnolia Press. All Rights Reserved.

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Laraine Moore April 21, 2011 at 4:02 am

I have been married to my Bi-Polar husband for almost 17 years and it has been in the last 2 years that I have exasperated myself and given up to the point that I just dont care about him. I have been abused physically and mentally, left and come back, lost my family because of him, his thinks Im great. Im now 62 aand he is almost 50 and my health is totally failing with so many medical diagnosis but he shows no sense of caring. He sleeps 20 hours a day and the doctor doesnt seem to worry. I feel like I am in a sinking liferaft(he weighs 356lbs) trying to bail out the water with a spoon and just dont know whether to dive into the water or just drown. Those are my thoughts and would love your book but both of us survive on SSD and cant afford even all my RX…I make sure I get his though. Just wanted you to know you sound like your book will help many.
Laraine Moore in NC.

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas May 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Laraine, you sound worn out. Please try to take care of yourself and put yourself first as often as you can, especially when it comes to your own health.

Reply

melissa ray June 7, 2011 at 12:15 am

Sure wish I had the money to order this I am at my wits end, I love and hate my bipolar husband, have lost all my family do to his addictions and swings, He also has issues with spending money as soon as he gets it. Divorce is nearly impossible as I have no way to provide for myself and three kids, one with autism.

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas June 7, 2011 at 9:16 am

Melissa, I know that feeling well, unfortunately. Try making a list of all the things you can do. It sounds like you’ve been in your marriage awhile, so there’s no quick fix for getting to a “happy place”–no matter if you won the lottery tomorrow (ie., he’ll still be the father of your children). Once you have your list, put a timeline to it. In other words, how long will each item take you to do? Then see which ones you can start on now. Even if you don’t totally resolve all your problems, you’ll feel better because you’ll feel like you have some control of your situation. – Good luck! – Elizabeth

Reply

Yvonne June 30, 2011 at 8:14 pm

I’m looking for the book on Amazon via Kindle, is it available that way?

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas July 4, 2011 at 10:06 am

What a great suggestion. I do not have the book Kindle-ready, but I will look into it. Thank you. – E

Reply

wendy December 29, 2011 at 8:20 pm

I have been married to my husband for 13 years and lived with him for 5 years before we were married. My husband had several affairs and left me and my children 3 times while we were together also he would get drunk and because he would become mean I would tell him not to drink. He would want to fight and when I would try to keep him from drinking he would get into the car and go buy more to drink. Being married I went with him to his home state right before he retired and right before katrina hit he told me he was leaving us because his family got him to do it. My child and I became homeless and I was embrassed to let my family know so I stayed in a shelter and endure things I could have never imagined would happen. I dont drink, smoke, do drugs look at pornography but because of all the abuse over the years I have alot of anxiety stress and some anger due to the things Ive endured. Why cant some of these problems be due to hormonal problems and the above I gave and not bi polar. People are quick to make people out to be sick or crazy my husband and my 2 children tell me I have a problem other than the natural problems that come with the economy, debt, community and surroundings and mainly my spouse over the years. Not everyone is bi-polar stop drugging people up and dulling them instead of understanding and listening to why they feel or act they way they do. Maybe some serious family or marriage counseling to find out the cause instead of covering up the symtoms with drugs or label someone that is not crazy or sick but just mentally stressed. Even the strongest people have their weakest points in time. Everyone in Hollywood is addicted to prescription drugs that is the way they cope with their crazy life but in the end those drugs will killed them and even the strongest minds in hollywood have and do go crazy from alchol and drugs.

Reply

Lisa March 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

I am the one who suffers from this awlful illness they call BiPolar. I remember being 5 years old knealing on the kitchen floor with my mom holding me while she cry uncontrolably while my dad leaving for good and the back door slamming. Wow! What that does to a child. My mom had me and my brother in her teens. My dad would make promises to come and see us, so we would wait by the window and sometimes he would come and others nothing! I felt disappointment, confusion, dispair. What was wrong with me. My parents were good parents. They worked hard. Taught us to be nice, accept others, look past the wrongs that they did unto others. My mom remarried a man with two girls and he eventually adopted us. He drank, his ex caused lots chaos and she would tell her two daughters to act up when they came to our house ( I felt bad for my little step sister), his business put my mom in debt, he treated my brother like idk just no time or loving. It all sucked! Yeah there were good times. We had a cute little house that my mom made into a loving home the best that she could. I remember I was always on an up and down emotional roller-coster. Never knowing what was going to happenin when I got home. If it was gonna be a calm night or yelling. Was I gonna have to be the one to calm my dad while my mom emotionally shut down. Would I have to be the one who sat in my brother room after he had been screamed at by my dad or hit and sit by his bed and talk to him for hours while he said nothing just to let him know someone cared. School was so hard for me. I felt stupid there. I was so quiet, shy and too scared to ever ask for help. I would sometimes just sit there and so many times my notebooks were made of my daily lists of what I was going to do when i got home. I would label the top of the page then list -homework-dust-vacuum-peel carrots etc. You get the picture. I guess I needed stability and among all the chaos in my life and my head I found it in lists and organizing. I found that when I did those 2 things I could feel and function better. I guess that was my way of surviving for many years.
At 15, I met a boy and fell madly in love well I thought.He was a nice person and had his own issues as we all do and in his own childhood there was not much love shown there. I had no self esteem. At 20 got pregnant with him and had a little girl. He had cheated on me a few times before and I on him once cause I was hurt that he had done it to me not because I was on a bipolar high. Even knowing that he had cheated I still stayed cause I felt I deserved no better. I finally left and moved back home now parents are divorcing finally. At 21 due to so much stress and on Good Friday the darkess day of the year some say I tried to commit suicide. It was one turning point in my life on my road to many of lifes lessons.
I thank GOD everyday that I survived.
I wish I could of seen and felt back then as a small child that I was special.
Ive been married for 14years now to a man who I know loves me but he has been the one who has been bringing out my illness. I finally realized that after searching and wondering what was wrong with me. Why am I not good enough for anyone. I can’t make anyone happy. How come no one hears ME. He keeps telling me to tell him what I need and it falls on deaf ears. He is a workaholic! The only way he pays attention is if he takes me away to some vacation or out to dinner. Everything is always on his terms. Everyone feels love in a different way. He feels love by spending time with me. I feel loved when I am heard or when projects that were started get done. I have supported him when he chose to quit his job and started his business and now another business. I trusted him. We have 3 children. A son with ADD,anxiety & Oppositional Definant. A daughter with ADHD,anxiety and Oppositional and auditory processing issues. Our oldest daughter with a weight issue. Not once has he picked up a book, suggested going to support groups, gone to the gym, followed thru on plans. I the BIPOLAR MOTHER have had to search countless books, websites, doctors and I have tried so many different things and have changed myself so many different times that the stress and the chaos of the arguing has triggered the ups and downs so many times I can’t even count.
I just thank GOD that he has been the stronger one in all of this because in this thing we call life of BiPolar Illiness I have found GOD, strength, faith, that its not my fault, I’m not a failure, I am somebody, that the choices we make do have to be thought out, Im a good mom, this journey has taught me so very much and I understand why I had to go thru all that i did and it has made me a better person, always go thru life with youe eyes wide open, cherish the little things. Just because someone is Bipolar does not mean they are incapable. Its funny how I am the bipolar one in this marriage and I am the one for the past 15yrs that has been doing the searching to make it better and I hope he is ready to finally be my support system that he says.

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas March 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Lisa, I acknowledge your pain over so many years. But you keep trying and learning, and that’s what counts. We only feel worthless when we don’t have purpose in our life. Sounds like your bipolar allows you to be very high functioning to take care of your family. You’re lucky. One insight I can give you is that often someone with bipolar is able to process their surroundings and situations about 10X faster than the rest of us “well” people. You may be interpreting that as a lack of attention to you. I know sometimes I had to walk away or go away because my husband would just overwhelm me with his stream of ideas and thoughts. My poor ole brain couldn’t handle so much input. We all have *things.*

Reply

Lea Marie March 24, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Oh, this sounds so familiar. I am married to a BiPolar man (forty years). The illness runs in his family, although he is the only one diagnosed correctly. My husband initially, when diagnosed, was taking his medication correctly, seeing his counselor and psychiatrist regularly, and we seemed to be making progress. However, it seems lately that everything is going wrong. Our children and other family are not supportive and my husband has chased away most family and many friends, leaving me without a support network. I have stood by him and until recently, been happy to do so. However, I have become tired of “giving” and now seeing my husband “excuse” his behaviors as beyond his control. He can be very charming for others, but take everything out on me. I just cannot do this all alone. It is really exhausting to be blamed, attacked, alone, and so tired all the time. I have tried having my own counselor, but it is very difficult to disclose the ups and downs of my days and then go back and face them after the emotional impact of talking about how difficult they are. I need happiness and friends and I so miss that guy I married. I know he will never return as he was; that he is somewhere in my husband, but I feel I am losing ME. I do not like who I am becoming. I am upset my family has left me to deal with such a large burden all alone, and yet, who could blame them?

Reply

Janette April 22, 2012 at 10:45 pm

My husband started with depression 5 yrs ago and while he has and continues to be on medication, his moods are up and down and all over the place. I don’t know how to live with him anymore. How do I survive and keep my sanity. I feel like I am the one losing her mind now. I feel like every thing I say is wrong, and honestly it’s as if he hates me, yet he tells me over and over that he loves me. I am losing all feeling for him though. I don’t like him or the way he is. I hate thinking this is how the rest of our marriage is going to be. THAT is depressing! We have been married 23 years and have 2 teenage sons who both resent their father for the way he has been. I know we shouldn’t feel this way, because from what everyone says, he cannot help it, but he doesn’t treat others the way he does us. His family do not even see the depression, that’s how good at faking it he is. Why does he do this? I’m gonna order this book and I hope it really gives me some insight, because I am tired of walking on eggshells and never knowing which man is walking through the door at the end of the day.

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas April 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Janette, Ahhh, yes, the I’m-the-one-losing-my-mind-walking-on-eggshells futility dance. Know it well. Look, you’ve already got 23 years in. I believe a little behavior-modification training (for you and the boys) will help you immensely. Hope you do buy the book; I’ve got the step-by-step plan in there. – E

Reply

CHRIS June 16, 2012 at 1:09 am

Holy Cow…I was looking at this site and then there was the link I decided to check out over on the side. My husband is the Bipolar. He has what I call episodes. The last one was not pretty. My sister, mom. and neice were over for a haircut. I asked my niece about a person she used to be in a relationship with and my husband chimmed in and it grew from there where my niece and husband got in a debate and my niece was trying to explain a truth to my husband and my niece was getting very upset because my husband was not believing that truth. She was not backing down and crying. The next thing you know he walked toward the slider as he was saying “son of a “B” went outside and then hit his fist on the house. I’m sitting in the chair asking myself what just happened here? I was very embarrased needless to say!! The gal who did our hair was crying and everyone was probably thinking what an absolute jerk!! It was not something I live with on a daily basis though. The last time he had an issue was back about 9 months ago. The thing about this, is he seems like he loses control and the triggers are..I’m not to sure. I know he always likes to be right. You cannot always have your own opinion otherwise you are arguing with him. I have learned some things in our 21 years of marriage. When he is in a “mood” I know how far to go or not. He is not the type who hits but he gets irritable. I cannot talk to him about some things because he can’t handle it? So that is frustrating sometimes for me! He has had issues with money wanting to buy stuff and I have to keep a lid on it and we are doing ok so far. He has had no patients with people who cut him off on the road and will go out of his way to let them know and that is very un nerving for me with crazy people out there these days. We have gotten back into church and it is my prayer that God will show him some things to make his life happier and more productive and get his mind off himself since he has been disabled from back surgery for the last almost 3 years so he has also been in constant pain and has had other health issues on top of it. He does have a good heart. He has a problem with his crockadile brain. He was not officially diagnosed until 2003. I wish all of you who posted here peace and happiness!!!

Reply

Shannon July 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

So, let me get this straight. Are you basically telling people to leave their bipolar spouse? Let me enlighten you, they can change. Lifestyle changes have to happen first. And from my own personal experience, I literally wish I saw the day where someone held my hand, and told me it was going to be okay- That it wasn’t MY FAULT for having a disorder that I was BORN with. But instead, I married someone who was completely unsympathetic to my illness, BLAMED me for it, making me 10x worse in my anxieties, and refused to get a job to support OUR daughter, therefore leaving the stress of finances on me alone. And well, bipolar and stress don’t really mix well so I became a mess. And it is still ALL MY FAULT. Maybe my situation is where my husband and I both have some mental illness however, I am not like the bipolar people you’ve spoken about here. I would be grateful to someone willing to be supportive and helpful to me, and I would not allow my disorder to take over them too. Just because we’re bipolar doesn’t mean we can’t think! We can think logically, and often do.

Reply

Jenny T October 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

My husband recently just got on Abilify (which was told is a FABULOUS medication for people living with bipolar)…..He still will not truly admit that “he was the one” with the problem……I tried changing myself….being more this….that….and it has been soooooo exhausting for me….I’m at the point of giving up…..
He also has the “episodes” …..but his include alcohol AND drugs…..
He had gone to rehab for alcoholism in March into April of this year also has been on Celexa for depression…..Since outta rehab….his first “episode” was taking our 3 children (11, 7, 5 years of age) and my cousin’s daughter whom was 4….up to my mother’s home to go swimming….she has an inground pool. My mother was working and my husband was to do some work up at her house. My mother does have liquor in her home and had beer in the fridge for company….well that day I get a frantic call from my daughter, “Mommy, help….I can’t get Joshy awake and he won’t even move”……well my cousin & I walked up to the house…..there he was PASSED OUT COLD….. We tried and TRIED waking him and nothing worked….so I called 911…..when the cops got there…..he was just in a rampage …..telling the cops he isn’t going to jail….etc etc….
Mine & my cousin’s children were in that pool and were LEFT UNATTENDED!!!! I was soooooo mad, hurt….just every imaginable thought…..I sat and cried….it didn’t dawn on what he did til the next day…..

Then, “episode #2″……this past Sunday, he decided he was gonna work up at my mom’s again….when he initially woke up….he was “edgy” …my father & I knew SOMETHING was gonna happen today…just not sure what….
well….when he left my mom’s….he, in his bipolar mind thought, well I think me & my 7 year old son are about due to go to a bar…..then proceeded AFTER he got fairly loaded at the bar, for our son and him to go 4 wheeling…..
Suddenly, I get a phone call from my husband, “Jen….call Joey cause he won’t answer me…..I got the Explorer stuck and I need someone to help get it out”……When I got to the “scene”……I could have shot him …..right then & there…..not only did he try to get our 7 year old son to lie to me about where they were…..but he endangered the lives of one of our children AGAIN! My cousin took him home…..but on the way to walking to the car…..he was in such a rage that he threw a cinderblock that all but missed our son’s head by an inch or 2…..
Of course, once my cousin and our son left….that’s when the battle with me began….everything is my fault….I treat him like this…I do that….then….I love you & soooooo sorry….then to ….I’m gonna step in front of a speeding car…..then back to the I love you’s…..then to….I have a utility knife….I will slice my throat right here….when I went to call crisis intervention…..he says…God can’t you take a joke????

I’m soooo lost….I can’t understand why he is being soooooo risky with our own children….if he wants to kill me….do it but leave our kids out of it!
I’m beyond fed up…..what makes this situation so difficult…..the 2 youngest….(7 year old, son & 5 year old, daughter) belong to him…..they are my step children of which we fought sooooooooooo hard to get from their negligent mother…..
This hasn’t been the first time he’s put these children in harms way….he has drove drunk with them in the car MANY of times…..
HELP!

Reply

april November 4, 2012 at 9:39 pm

The hardest part of being married to a bi polar partner is there inability to care about anyone. After 32 years of all of it you get to a lonley place they will walk out and be gone for hours or even days and come back like he’s done nothing. Never thinking eatin dinner with you is important sleep with his back to you – I stayed for as long as I could take the loneliness the meaness the total lack of care. A year ao I had stomach cancer went threw every dr appt. Every chemo alone still woring to support our family. Not one time a hug of understanding or care. When I had done all I could do taken all I could take and the therapist said mental illness always wins out over physical illness I realized for my own life I neeed to get out to be told I would have to pay to support him so I stay hopefully this book will help

Reply

Lullu November 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I am married to a bi polar man. He’s never been diagnosed because he refuses any help but I know by his constant changing behavior, fits of rage for no reason, hate, foul language that he is. The past three years have been utter hell. When I met him, he was a well dressed, mannered man. He seemed normal until three months after we started dating, his mood swings and changes began, He would love me one day, hate me the next, want to be with me one day, ending the relationship another. I married him thinking I could endure because of my Godly beliefs. Nothing helped him to get better, no tenderness, no compassion, no good meals,, no clean home, not even me as an understanding wife. Yes, I married him despite what I saw. He destroyed me, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. He made me look like the sick one but on top of that endured fould language and unmerited insults. No real relationship, no real marriage. Total control and manipulation on his part. To say the least, one day I had to call police and get a restraining order. My life became a daily torment.
To those out there, DON’T WAIT 20, 30, 40 YEARS TO LEAVE. MANY DON’T CHANGE, SEEK HELP OR WANT IT. SAVE YOURSELF WHILE YOU CAN. YOU CAN LIVE ON YOUR OWN, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, YOU CAN DO IT! FIGHT!

Reply

Denise November 28, 2012 at 1:41 pm

After 4 years, I have just recently figured out that my husband is bipolar. I read about the symptoms and they describe him almost exactly. When I suggested it to him, he said his issues were my fault. Until now, I thought he had a problem controlling his anger, and police/the court forced him to go to anger management for a year, which didn’t really help much. I have a hard time communicating with him. He gets very irritated and just walks out of the room. So I really started to step back and study him, instead of getting all caught up in it. When he’s on his “high” good mood, he can avoid the anger well, or things that would normally make him angry. Before this “high”, he has a hard time sleeping; tossing and turning. He’ll buy things that we really can’t afford, want to do fun things, and has a hard time focusing or paying attention – easily distracted. Now I just need to recognize when he’s going to hit his “low” irritable period. Like the times that he’ll shove me, yell at me, call me names, put me down with hurtful words, threaten me, throw things, break things, punch a hole in the wall, threaten to leave me and our daughter without a care, etc. And in all of this, I look back and think, “What did I do to provoke this?” It was usually such a very small thing – to most people. What I have noticed, when he’s in this “low” mood, is that he’s really feeling that he’s not loved. Because when he’s calmed down after a day or two, all I have to do is hug him or give him a kiss, and he’s better, he’s reassured. And he is sorry, and embarrassed, and tells me he loves me. He simply cannot help it. And it must be maddening for him, as well as for myself. We all live with it. He tells me his mother had a mental problem but he was too little to really remember, so this info came from his father who divorced her. His version of love is different from mine, and always has been. He shows his love by paying bills, buying meat and BBQing it, video taping the family, bragging about us and our achievements, making popcorn and watching a movie with us, doing dishes, making the yard look nice – things like that, in his own way. He is a very creative person, able to see outside the box, whereas I’m more structured. He had been prescribed Celexa for anxiety and depression, because as I’ve read, Dr.s make the wrong diagnosis. He does not suffer from the usual symptoms of depression. Stress, yes. So, now I will seek counseling or a group, buy this book, step back and study him some more, give him love (even though it seems I only get half as much back), and see what happens. Maybe one day, he will see it and get help…. for us all.

Reply

art November 30, 2012 at 1:23 am

yes i was wondering if you ever give your book away to less fortunate people i read a few comments from some of the less fortunate ones. i am a christian leader and i have a son that is in this condition i know its none of my bussiness but i think it would be a blessing to you and the people you minister to to sow some of your material what you sow you will reap thankyou i hope this didnt offend you

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas November 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

Thanks for asking, Art. I have offered to donate my book to NAMI, whose good work supporting mental health I admire. You might try asking your local chapter if they have it in their library.

Reply

cat December 6, 2012 at 10:01 am

my bipolar wife is so bad i cant even order this book to help me cuz if she finds out i would pay hell for it…..i am so so so beat down i dont even know what to do any more…i honestly have give n up trying…i just try to make it day by day with out her hurting her self or me and just praying to god that he gives her help some day soon….cuz there is no hope anymore of her helping her self

Reply

Vanessa P. January 7, 2013 at 3:29 pm

Dear Cat

I just happened to read your comment and you sound so desperate. I sense you’re at your wits end.

I suffer from Bipolar Type 1 (rapid cycling) and my poor hubby is a saint, just like you. The fact is though, bipolar is very manageable. Proper treatment that includes medication WORKS. I’m super responsible with my medication because I love my husband very much and I don’t want him to have to put up any more than he has to.

If your wife is really as bad as you say then she is being irresponsible with her medication. Medication WORKS. If your wife absolutely refuses to knuckle down and do what it takes to minimize the impact on you then you need to stand up to her and make her go to the doctor! If you love her you’ll find the strength to do that… for you as much as her.

You need to realize that the only way to get to the other side of this is through hell, for want of a better way of putting it. You need to decide… now… whether you’re up to that journey or not.

I urge you to give her an ultimatum, to make her go back to a specialist doctor to explain exactly how bad it is, and how desperate you are. You can’t continue like this forever!

If she absolutely refuses to help herself then you will have to leave her. If she’s that irresponsible about getting the help she needs you will need to protect yourself. I know it’s devastating but you need to make these tough decisions sooner rather than later. Don’t wait another day. Do this!

A few years ago somebody loved me enough to stand up to me like this. I’m so grateful that they did. At the time I hated them for presuming to meddle in what I though was my business. Thank goodness they stood up to me the way they did. I put them through hell at the time but now… now I’m just plain thankful.

I hope you find your way to a better place, wherever that may be.

All the best
V.

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas January 7, 2013 at 5:02 pm

Vanessa, thanks for taking time to comment. Your perspective is really valuable to all of us on this site. – E

Reply

Tina wheatley March 22, 2013 at 10:48 pm

hi my name is tina i am remarried i have 5 children by my first husband. Im 39 years old and i suffer with this disorder plus a multi personality disorder i am what u call a cutter. I love my new husband very much and i have been reacevin treatment since i was 13. I don’t want him to leave me i Am willing to try any thang to help him understand how to deal with me i Am the one that was born this way. I need help please tell me this will help save me and my husband. And the bad thang its me. I didn’t ask to be born this way. But life just not fare sometimes. We have to play with the cards that are delt to us that has the sickness. I really want my husband to love me again i love him and i can see i Am driving him right out the door. Will you please be honest with me and please tell me this book will help Sincerely Tina Wheatley

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas March 28, 2013 at 6:37 am

Tina, you don’t say if you are under psychiatric care and taking meds or not. If you aren’t, don’t do one more thing today before finding a good psychiatrist to help you. It’s true you were “born this way,” but you don’t have to suffer so much if you get good mental health care. You owe it to your children to be as well as you can be. Your husband can’t “take care of you” the way medication will. As far as my book, it was written to help your husband learn coping skills to be married to you. I’m sure it would help him, but not as much as you getting help for yourself. – E

Reply

Tami April 26, 2013 at 10:33 pm

look up bi polar in order on the innernet

Reply

Tami April 26, 2013 at 10:37 pm

there is self help . flip the coin. a person can change if they really, really, really want to! Look up wayne dyer and positive thinking

Reply

Gail May 13, 2013 at 12:29 pm

I think it’s pretty messed up and upsetting that on a site where people are seeking help for troubling bi-polar relationships, you describe a situation in which someone’s bi-polar husband hanged himself after a divorce. I came here thinking you were trying for provide wisdom and solace, but that’s just downright upsetting for anyone in this situation to read. I’m not purchasing your book because you have no consideration for your readers.

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas May 14, 2013 at 8:40 am

Sorry you were offended, Gail. My intent here and in my book is not to help “people.” My goal is to help spouses and partners of those with bipolar disorder. Being in a relationship with someone who’s mentally ill comes with many sobering and unpleasant facts, such as the potential for suicide. The sick person has many resources available. The partner doesn’t. I try to gently remove rose-colored glasses and give straight advice for how to support, cope and not lose yourself in the process. My message is not for everyone. – Elizabeth

Reply

Meetl January 3, 2014 at 4:10 pm

Gail, I agree with the owner of this website page. Although the comments about someone hanging themselves was from a comment on here from someone who was explaining their OWN situation, and not the owner. But even if Elizabeth DID post a story as such, she’s right. Bipolar is serious, and we can’t pretend to see it through rose-colored glasses, as noted. This is REAL. These things HAPPEN.

As a biploar sufferer, I am considering getting this book for my own husband, who’s had to put up with my episodes for the past 16 years now. As another person here noted, I love my husband VERY MUCH so I try to be very viligant about taking my meds, AND telling my doctor and therapist when I’m feeling worse, better, different, etc.

I’m sorry that it bothered you to the point of not purchasing a guide that can obviously help you or someone in your family.

And to tell the truth, when I read that part about the hanging suicide, it hit me also – but it did not anger me as it did for you. It scared me because these things DO HAPPEN, and it’s scary to think about it happening to people who are close to us. But it’s true and it happens.

If anything, if the owner had not mentioned (or not allowed the other honest experiences and comments to stay), that would seem a bit more deceiving and dishonest. People need to know how serious biploar is, and the varieties of outcomes that may happen due to it.

Gail, seeing as you’re at a site like this, I can only assume you or someone you love needs this guide. If you don’t get it here at this website, I still hope you find a terrific guide that can help you through the disease that is bipolar.

Best wishes and blessings,
Meetl

Reply

Meetl January 4, 2014 at 1:49 pm

I see that their are some folks who really need this guide, but cannot afford it. Is there any way that I could set up sort of a scholarship program and help others purchase this book?

Thanks and peace,
Meetl

Reply

Louise February 4, 2014 at 1:46 pm

Elizabeth, I just discovered your website and will save up to order the book. I have been married 18 years. My husband is an undiagnosed bipolar taking medication for depression which helps some. Of course, every fit of rage it’s over something I’ve done, or he says we are equally at fault. He goes into fits of rage then starts trying to kiss all over me and make up when I am so wounded I can’t stand to be in the same room with him. The rollercoaster ride has broken my spirit. I often just want to go home to be with God. Like one person said, his family thinks you’re a saint for putting up with him and your friends think you are nuts for the same thing. I can’t discuss it with him because that makes him mad and of course, it’s my fault he blows. I’ve been called every sort of name. He is on disability so home 90% of the time and I’m a homemaker. It’s been the death of me. He won’t seek help, he’ll “work on it” and we know what Einstein said about that. I’ve read so much I am confused on whether it’s internal rage, a personality disorder, bipolar disorder, narcisism, or another personality disorder or even demonic attacks as he is not walking with Jesus. All I want to know is when is enough enough? When do you give up? How do you survive when everything everyone recommends you do is a trigger that sets him off? Life does not exist.

Reply

Elizabeth Atlas February 5, 2014 at 12:36 pm

Louise, You’re asking the wrong questions. And since you wrote, “I often just want to go home to be with God,” I’m very concerned for you. Here’s the best advice I could ever give you: STOP WAITING. Stop waiting for “things to be different” with your husband, for him to get a diagnosis, to stop bullying you. Stop waiting for him to “man up” and be your husband. Put all your love and energy into YOU for the next 6 months. Go get counseling for yourself. Join a mental illness support group. Stop being his verbal punching bag. You put yourself on the roller coaster. You can step off it. Learn how to value yourself, independent from your joined-at-the-hip marital unit. Eventually he’ll notice that you are not someone he can intimidate…and that’s when you’ll be able to have a meaningful conversation with him about his mental health…or make permanent arrangements to remove him from your life. I’m not telling you that you should leave him. I’m telling you to get stronger so you have more options than just being his doormat. It will be hard for you to focus on self-care. Change always is. But change is what you’re ultimately asking him to do, so try it on yourself first. Please write me back and let me know ONE THING you will start doing differently to take care of yourself. – Elizabeth

Reply

Kate February 10, 2014 at 1:12 am

Elizabeth,
I will probably purchase this book but I am afraid my bipolar spouse will see it. I already had to wait until the late, late hours to find support. My hubby is on disability and is home all the time. Thank you for saying there isn’t much support for the spouses. It’s true, I looked every where. You may help a lot of people. I don’t blame my husband for his illness, just some of the poor choices. I have made some really bad choices as well and probably caused more harm. I feel angry even right now and need a cigarette as I write. We have been together for eight long years and our poor five year old suffers the most. We have little money, no friends, little family left now. He managed to piss my family off and now I’m embarrassed. They understand little about BP. left him last year, came back, I began isolating myself from him, started smoking again and even I became the abuser… so yes, who cares that people think I’m selfish when I talk about how I feel. On a good note, I said eff my hubby and bought my dream car (a new charger) to make myself HAPPY even though he was passed.

Reply

kate February 10, 2014 at 1:28 am

Thank you Elizabeth for showing support for the spouses. I can’t do this on my own anymore… I began smoking this year when I got back with my husband, gained ten pounds, lost my chance at my dream job. I just need a reality check

Reply

Leave a Comment